Of Weddings, Drama, and Peace


Tomorrow is my daughter’s fifth anniversary.  Five years ago,  my daughter got married.  I remember that time with much fondness.  You see, my wedding had a lot… a LOT of drama surrounding it.  My daughter’s– not so much.  I really tried hard to keep my opinions out of it.  There were a couple of things I was adamant about (things that had to do with safety and/or keeping guests fed and happy), but for the most part, it was “their day.”   As long as people were safe and fed, I was good.   Drama?  Not really.  I remember being busy but on the way to the wedding, I turned to Kevin and said, “I cannot believe that I’m not stressed!  Busy, sure, but I don’t feel stressed.”  He looked at me like I was nuts.  I think he was stressed!

So, what does that have to do with weddings, drama, and peace?  Well, I’ve noticed that a lot of weddings seem riddled with the drama (Ever hear the word, “Bridezilla?”)  Yeah.  I’ve met a few, but honestly, I have to say, I’ve met more “Momzillas” than “Bridezillas.”  Frankly, compared to Challice with her wedding, my two areas of “interference” were much more “Momzilla” than Challice ever was the bridal counterpart.

I wonder why that is?  Why do moms become so… intense… about weddings?  Honestly, if I didn’t have a holy horror of drama, I can definitely imagine myself losing all sense of reason and becoming an overbearing control freak.  It’s in my nature.  Alas, I hate drama more than I love control.  It saved all of our sanity, I am sure.

One good thing has come from all of this observation I’ve had over the past five to ten years.  I now have a pretty good idea of how to create a drama-filled wedding.  So, if a stress-free wedding is too tame for you, if you’re looking for something with more zip and pizazz, if you really want something that Bravo can turn into a new TV reality show… take note!

How to Have a Drama-Filled Wedding

  1. Get married very young.  (The drama we had came mostly from those who objected to Challice’s age in getting married– and who erroneously assumed that she was pregnant.)
  2. Have friends who insist that they know what you want.  (This works best if they are wrong.)
  3. Allow (or fail to succeed in preventing) these friends to take over the wedding planning.  (This is most successful the younger the bride is.  She’s usually not used to having to assert herself with the degree of force necessary to ward off unwanted input.)
  4. Be unprepared to deal with the objections of extended family– cousins, sisters, brothers, aunts, grandmothers.  After all, the fact that they think you should have pink rather than mauve is absolutely their call– or so they think.
  5. Allow the cry of, “It’s YOUR day” to override your common sense and provoke selfishness in you.  (This works best if you are usually not a selfish person.)
  6. Guys, make sure you marry a gal with the “Momzilla” complex.
  7. Gals, make sure you marry a guy who is not ready to let go of the apron strings.
  8. Preferably, choose a spouse who comes from a family who seems to revel in constant drama.  They’re the best at making sure things are the most realistic and obnoxious.
  9. If you cannot find a spouse who has a drama-filled past, leave questions in their mind as to your respect for them.  It’ll come out.
  10. When all else fails, find a new friend who has plenty of dramatic flair, along with some control-freak tendencies, and make her your ad-hoc wedding planner.  Change your mind often to ensure that her natural control and drama quirks rise to the surface.  Consider it the sugar added to yeast.

Ok, so this is partly tongue-in-cheek.  I’m just brokenhearted to see so many people have to deal with such ugliness surrounding what should be one of the happiest times of their lives.  It’s sad to see the “kids” acting more mature than their parents and worse, the parents acting like they never got out of junior high.  You know, I always wondered if the wedding that I didn’t get to have (thanks to friends who overruled me on so many things) wouldn’t turn me into a crazed woman who insisted on doing everything the way I wanted it to have been and it wasn’t.  Thankfully, I don’t think I was that woman, but I’ve got six more daughters to go.  She could still emerge!  I pray that she doesn’t.

I think, or rather hope, that Challice doesn’t have terrible memories of their wedding day or even the days leading up to it.  I pray the same stays true of the rest of my children.  I pray that the Lord would remind all of us that people are more important than things or events, and that there is little that is so important as to raise a stink about it.

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One thought on “Of Weddings, Drama, and Peace

  1. Excellent thoughts. I think moms become momzillas during wedding times, because they are everything else zilla. A wedding day is not theirs to control like they do everything else, and it causes horrible clashes. If mom plans a Christmas meal, a birthday party, a walk in the park or anything else, nobody really minds. She controls, everybody just does what she says because it’s easier for them. But along comes a wedding and there are TWO people that want it special and want it their way….and momzilla isn’t used to living like that. So BOOM. Say yes to the dress turns into just say NO to the mom. Money is involved and when mom and dad foot the bill, they think they ought to have a say. BUT, if you offer to pay it is manipulation to say you ought to be able to be on the committee. BUT, the kids that are being helped by the parents should remember that money doesn’t fall from the sky. If your parents pay for something, take their feelings into consideration. So goes the back and forthing. This is a good time to be very small about things, but great opportunity at the same time to be BIG.

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