Today is my last day of being 38. Tomorrow, I’ll be 39. It amazes me that so many years have passed. I thought I’d spend it in a smidge of introspection. So here, I confess.
- I am extreme. I’m a neat freak or a slob, a minimalist or a collector. I don’t have ‘a few books’. I have a library. I don’t have ‘some crafting supplies’ I have a store. However, in my excessiveness, I don’t want to see it. I keep my ‘collections’ hidden with the obvious exception of my books.
- I am lazy. Even when I’m busy, I’m lazy. I do what I want when I want. I’m not slothful; I am productive. I am just lazy about doing what I should do.
- I finally feel like an adult. After twenty-one years of mothering, I no longer feel like I’m ‘playing house.’.
- I’m a lousy executor. I can plan beautifully and even realistically, but regardless of the feasibility, I am terrible at executing the plan.
- I am selfish. I thought by the time I had grown children I’d be less selfish. I’m not. Maybe by the time I’m eighty.
On the positive front…
- I may be extreme, but I know how to control it. The Lord has been good to teach me to reign in my natural tendencies. I give in too often– either purging everything unnecessary from my life or tending to buy everything related to a project rather than just what I need for a single project. However, I’ve grown amazingly in this area and moderation is now more of a norm than the exception.
- The Lord who parted the Red Sea delivering the Israelites from the Egyptians and fed five thousand with a small basket of food and had baskets of leftovers is my Lord. If He can perform those miracles, He can perform one in me. I’m just waiting for my miracle.
- I may be an adult, but I haven’t lost my child-like love of simple things. I love to watch a dandelion as I blow the seeds into the wind. I love to watch dust dance in a shaft of sunlight, and I love laughing at things that no one else understands. Some might not consider that a positive, but I do.
- I think an execution problem is not so good, so I have simply learned not to waste time over-organizing. Time saving- Excellent!
- I am selfish. I am, but the good news is that I’m less selfish than I was when I was born, five, ten, fifteen, twenty, twenty-five, thirty, thirty-five… thirty eight and three hundred sixty-four days…
Regardless of my flaws and failings, I am the child of the King. I walk with the King- hallelujah! Isn’t that what it’s all about? I mean, yes, being diligent, selfless, organized, mature, moderate, and responsibly productive are good things, but they mean nothing if I am not in the palm of the Lord’s hand. I’m just thankful for the Lord and His covering of all my flaws.