Today is my last day of being 38.  Tomorrow, I’ll be 39.  It amazes me that so many years have passed.  I thought I’d spend it in a smidge of introspection.  So here, I confess.

  • I am extreme.  I’m a neat freak or a slob, a minimalist or a collector.   I don’t have ‘a few books’.  I have a library.  I don’t have ‘some crafting supplies’ I have a store.  However, in my excessiveness, I don’t want to see it.  I keep my ‘collections’ hidden with the obvious exception of my books.
  • I am lazy.  Even when I’m busy, I’m lazy.  I do what I want when I want.  I’m not slothful; I am productive.  I am just lazy about doing what I should do.
  • I finally feel like an adult.  After twenty-one years of mothering, I no longer feel like I’m ‘playing house.’.
  • I’m a lousy executor.  I can plan beautifully and even realistically, but regardless of the feasibility, I am terrible at executing the plan.
  • I am selfish.  I thought by the time I had grown children I’d be less selfish.  I’m not.  Maybe by the time I’m eighty.

On the positive front…

  • I may be extreme, but I know how to control it.  The Lord has been good to teach me to reign in my natural tendencies.  I give in too often– either purging everything unnecessary from my life or tending to buy everything related to a project rather than just what I need for a single project.  However, I’ve grown amazingly in this area and moderation is now more of a norm than the exception.
  • The Lord who parted the Red Sea delivering the Israelites from the Egyptians and fed five thousand with a small basket of food and had baskets of leftovers is my Lord.  If He can perform those miracles, He can perform one in me.  I’m just waiting for my miracle.
  • I may be an adult, but I haven’t lost my child-like love of simple things.  I love to watch a dandelion as I blow the seeds into the wind.  I love to watch dust dance in a shaft of sunlight, and I love laughing at things that no one else understands.  Some might not consider that a positive, but I do.
  • I think an execution problem is not so good, so I have simply learned not to waste time over-organizing.  Time saving- Excellent!
  • I am selfish.  I am, but the good news is that I’m less selfish than I was when I was born, five, ten, fifteen, twenty, twenty-five, thirty, thirty-five… thirty eight and three hundred sixty-four days…

Regardless of my flaws and failings, I am the child of the King.  I walk with the King- hallelujah!  Isn’t that what it’s all about?  I mean, yes, being diligent, selfless, organized, mature, moderate, and responsibly productive are good things, but they mean nothing if I am not in the palm of the Lord’s hand.  I’m just thankful for the Lord and His covering of all my flaws.

2 thoughts on “Confessions~

  1. That was a very scary read.

    That sounds like it was written about ME. Of course not everything is about me… but your confessions should really be one of thre things that is about YOU, not me… HA!

    Happy birthday! I love you! You are an inspiration and encouragement for I see all the ways you enable God to use your gifts and flaws alike!

  2. And thus you have the reasons why I read your blog: you are real, and I can relate to your introspective analysis; pretty sure you just described me to a “T”. I like the jolt as it strengthens me to continue to seek God for improvement in the areas of my neglect. Happy Birthday!

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