I was terribly disappointed to discover that I wouldn’t find out the results of my torture until November 21.  Yep.  Two weeks after the test.  This is what happens when you live 90 miles from civilization.  The civilized doctors only come to town once a week.

So, I was thinking today… “One more week.  I can make it one more week.  One week isn’t that long.  I can do this.”

I knew I was being a bit optimistic.  After all, the tests could be inconclusive, not tell us anything at all, and other similarly discouraging things.  We may be at square one!  I was prepared for that.  I wasn’t prepared for the reality of a diagnosis.

See, it just occurred to me a while ago that a diagnosis is just the beginning.  Even if the doctor tells me that I need surgery, it won’t happen for a week or two or three.  At the EARLIEST.  (Holidays and what not)  Then, there is the whole recovery period.  After that, there is the rebuilding of my strength.

As far as I can assume, I won’t be out of this chair before January and it isn’t unrealistic to assume that it won’t be before Easter!

I am so discouraged.  I am really extremely discouraged.


5 thoughts on “Discouragement~

  1. Oh, Chautona!! I’m so sorry you are discouraged. I can only relate by having been on bedrest with two pregnancies for 3 months each, but I had a cute little bundle to hold for all the hard laziness I had to endure.

    I am praying for you tonight that you focus on what is real right now, not tomorrow or next week and DEFINITELY not in January or Easter! God isn’t going to give you the grace for anything but today right now. He’ll carry you in January if that is necessary though!

    Call Challice and tell her to bring that baby over for a Bestemor fix!!!!

    Love ya,


  2. Hey,

    I”m thinking of you here down in L.A. and wishing I could be there so we could talk about fun things like boys and relationships and theology. I’m coming up next week for Thanksgiving…

    And in your time of discouragement, turn to your Heavenly Father. He knows best how to help.

    “Come to Me, all who are weary and heavy-laden, and I will give you rest.

    “Take My yoke upon you and learn from Me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls.”


  3. Well, I’ll try again….I posted the other one RIGHT after you put it up!!

    The closest I can even begin to imagine how you feel is after being on bedrest for 3 months with both my pregnancies…18 months apart. But I had a bundle of (mostly) joy to show for my efforts.

    I am praying for you and want you to remember when the ENEMY brings this discouragement that you need to focus on what is REAL! Honey, it isn’t even Christmas yet, much less January or EASTER! You don’t know what will take place between now and then and you cannot allow the enemy to allow you to wallow in a mud hole that isn’t even real yet! If Amy Carmichael can touch as many lives as she did when she was bedridden, then you can touch that many more with the benefit of the internet and Hearth Keepers at your fingertips. You don’t know HOW many people you touch every day! It isn’t just those of us ON Hearth Keepers, but it multiplies…their families, their friends (like mine) and so on. You may think you are laying there helpless but that is a lie from the pit.

    I guess we should give thanks that you are in your chair…well, maybe not. What do YOU think? Well, I’m going to thank Him that you are in that chair and that Lorna still has a mommy and Emma has a Bestemor and all the rest still have you has well. God’s hand of protection has been on your family and He is keeping you around for MANY good reasons that are under your roof right now!

    I don’t mean to belittle your discouragement. I was literally SORE from laying in bed. A fun time was walking past the TV to change the channel on the way to the potty! Tell Challice to bring the Bestekid over for Bestemor to love on. Then imagine HIM cradling and caring for YOU…because He cares far more for us than we ever can for them.

    Love you sister! Remember…you can bless others while on your bum as much as you can while on your feet…the perspective is different, but they are blessings, just the same.

  4. I hate waiting too. It’s annoying. Patience is for the birds, but even they don’t have any. LOL.

    I do hope they can tell you something Wednesday. Fighting a known enemy, no matter how scary, is better than just not knowing. I’ll be praying that it is something that can be easily fixed!

    I’d give you a hug, but you hate them…

    Love ya lots and praying for you often!

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