Biblical Courtship


1. Send a servant (What?? You don’t have servants? You should get some – all the best Biblical people had servants) to pick up a girl at the well (a bar would probably be the modern equivalent.  Make sure that you and the girl have stomachs or you are starting your marriage off on a VERY bad theological premise.  Check the rules regarding wine consumption if you do not understand)

2. Indenture yourself to a man for seven years of work in exchange for his daughter. If he gives you the wrong one, (and really, even if you changeyour mind) repeat the process until you get the wife you want. This one has the advantage of disqualifying you from the responsibilities of ever being a deacon or elder.   Those who do not like responsibility should chose this option.

3. Wait until the women are outside working in their yards and go kidnap a few. You may have to kill their husbands if they get in the way.

 

 

4. Ask God to make one for you. In spite of the promising start, this one turned out badly for Adam and had terrible and long-lasting consequences.

 

5.  Marry your half/step-sister.  Use her as protection when you are in a precarious political and personal situation.  Women, don’t forget to call him “Lord” anyway.  This one is perfect for efficiency experts.  You can be your own maid of honor as well as bride.  You also, once the ceremony is complete, can be the matron of honor thus filling three positions at once, and by yourself.

 

However, meeting a nice guy, taking him home to family, getting to know him and becoming a good friend then marrying him as the love of your life is anti-biblical and prohibited.  Do not do this.

 

Cathe has received 3 extra jewels in her crown for the excellent topic du jour.

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