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A page turns. The glossy pictures, airbrushed to perfection, appeal tantalizingly to the senses. Lust grows in the heart and mind of the observer. Page after page of images imbed themselves in the reader’s mind. They will not easily leave. Long after the magazine is rotting at the bottom of a pile, those images will burn more than just the heart.
Escape into a fantasy world. Perfection is achieved on every front. The longer one lingers, the deeper the desire for the impossible. The lingering gaze at the perfect woman. The deep desire for the forbidden grows in the heart of the fantasizer. Just a few more stolen minutes before reality crushes a dream world.
Dissatisfaction. Impatience. Irritation. Reality encroaches on the idyllic. Anger seethes under the surface.
Pornography. No, not the stuff of the Heffner empire. I am not writing of ‘pornea’ in the strictest sense. I am writing of the coveteousnes of homeschooling women. The deep desire for what we do not have, and often for what we cannot have is the ‘baptized’ version of pornography for ‘good godly women’.
How many times has the Vision Forum catalog appeared in a home. The harried homeschooling mother takes the catalog and puts her feet up for ten minutes as she thumbs through the pages. Beautifully dressed children, perfect women, and godly men who surely never leave their dirty socks on the couch grace the pages. There is no laundry piled in the hamper. There is no hamper. The children smile and eagerly work on their lessons while a perfectly coiffed and manicured mother beams beatifically at them as she pulls a pie from the oven.
Mom ignores the unfinished lessons, the pile of bills, and the fact she hasn’t brushed her own hair yet, and imagines a world where her husband instinctively knows her emotional needs and meets them before they wound her spirit. Her children delight in serving her and she, in her spiritual and emotional maturity is a tender and gentle nurturer. Her husband boasts her praises to all who will listen. Her children feel sorry for anyone who does not have ‘their’ mother. Somehow, she tends a garden, grows wheat, bakes bread, keeps house, teaches school, and takes meals to anyone in need while wearing a white dress sewn from a Sensibility pattern in her spare time one afternoon.
Reality returns with a vengance. Dinner isn’t started, the children are wearing stained pajamas, and you can’t see the floor for the Rice Krispies that the baby scattered.
Another hand turns a page. A heart races. Desires grow. Each moment that lingers creates a magnetic pull nearly impossible to resist.
The magazine enflames a smoldering desire. Families of seven, eight, twelve, and even fourteen children smile back from the pages. Beckoning. A glance across the room at four squabbling children creates a longing. No more children. He’s so selfish. The deam of a large and godly family overwhelms the reader until she is lost in her own dream world.
Eight perfect children serve the Lord in song. Squabbles are a distant memory. With new babies came new love and appreciation for one another. Her husband beams with pride as their sons serve their daughters. She feels that private smile of contentment shine on her face as her daughters serve their sons with appreciative devotedness. The baby wails. Their children lovingly encourage him to ‘hush and meet his needs joyfully.
The baby screams bringing her back to reality. Her filthy house, disobedient children, and lack of motivation press down on her. She wants the dream. She needs the dream. If she only had another baby it might happen for her.
How many homeschooling mothers have received this year’s crop of curricula catalogs only to feel that tugging dissatisfaction. They see the glowing testimonials of perfect results and envy invades their hearts. If only her husband would let her do unit studies. The children would flourish if they could take a more active role in their education. Oh, if he would only help them. Become involved. Oh they could be a model homeschooling family if they only had…
Let’s be honest with ourselves. How many hours do we spend each week (or day!) gazing at catalogs that feed our desires, reading books by families who have (at least in our minds) achieved the perfection we so desperately seek, researching new techniques, ideas, and products to create a world of educational bliss. What is reality while we do this? While we create a home centered utopia of homeschooled, home birthed, home grown, home baked, home churched homebodies in our mind, what is our real life like?
We decry the effect of pornography in the world today but do we ignore our own covetous ‘porn’ and fantasy world? Do we forget that one can lust after perfection, beauty, and emotional fulfillment just as much as we can lust after the flesh?
It happens occasionally in the military. Suddenly wires are crossed, movements mixed, and a group of soldiers faces ‘friendly fire’. How terrible for the ones shooting to realize they’ve killed or wounded those on their own side. How heart wrenching for the families to know their loved one was killed in the line of duty by their comrades.
The homeschool community is facing friendly fire. We’ve spent so many years fighting for the right to school, against the skeptics, and shooting down the erroneous ideas about socialization and testing that we’ve got a militant mindset. Now that we’re not surrounded by a great cloud of naysayers, we’ve turned on ourselves.
Curriculum companies shred the reputation of other companies. Christian business owners hold bitter, and sometimes inaccurate, feelings about other business owners. The reality of the cost of homeschooling has created a large market of discount home school suppliers. The ‘little guy’ can’t compete and begrudges the apparent ‘takeover’. Rather than understanding the need for people to spend their dollars wisely (especially those on limited budgets), they create snob-like cliques that denigrate those who do not support the ‘little guy’.
The discounters often, initially in self-defense I think, retaliate with accusations of unreasonable expectations, elitism, and self-righteousness. It is a vicious circle that ultimately ends in hurting all those around including the principle players. The result is a fractured front.
These aren’t the only areas of course. Who found the old grammar series first, who published the integrated science curriculum first, who has the best quality of the biographies… It goes on indefinitely. Friendships are formed and then smashed over co-written curriculum, business websites, and homeschool groups.
It is time to put a stop to this kind of ugliness. It is time for us to join hands and FORGIVE the pain that another may have caused. So many are sitting around nursing wounds and waiting for the ‘other side’ to apologize. The other side is often sitting around thinking, “What happened?” It’s time to ‘be the better person’ and forgive. It is time to consider one another better than ourselves. It is time to wrap our hearts and arms around our brothers and sisters in Christ and say, “We’re in this together. I don’t agree with everything you’ve done or do but I can love you, I can respect you and I can move on from this place with love in my heart for you and pray for the best for you.”
I do not believe that opposite personalities who clash at every turn must stick together when the ‘partnership’ does not work. I do believe that we are called to be at peace with all men. I do not believe that we must ignore blatant sin. I do believe that we are called to think the best of one another and recognize that what seems to be one thing can be another. I do not believe that all curricula is created equal. I do believe that everyone has different needs and therefore will desire different curriculum than the person next to them.
I pray that soon we’ll see ‘friendly fire’ disappear. We’re weakening our lines. The gaping holes that our rifts create are allowing those who oppose homeschooling to creep into our ranks and discourage the troops. It’s time to put a stop to it. It’s time to turn the guns away from one another and promise one another that “I’ve got your back.”
On Hearth Keepers today someone asked what we’d spend our money on if we received a ‘bonus’ of a substantial amount to be spent on anything for our ‘little school’.
Some mentioned series of books, some scientific supplies like microscopes and telescopes, while others suggested passes to museums, zoos, and other educational places. One woman wisely suggested that the money first be spent to make schooling easy. Furniture, storage, decoration… nothing to be overlooked.
This took my own mind in a direction that I haven’t been able to silence so I thought I’d write it out in order to organize my thoughts and share them in the hopes they encourage someone else. My response began with a series of questions so I’ve bolded the questions I suggested she ask herself and then answer.
Have you sat down and made a list of every item of curriculum that you own and when you plan to use it? The task could take a very long time but it’s worth every minute. When my mind first went down this road the first thing I realized was that I have a curriculum, The Legacy of Liberty, that while I think it a fine curriculum and would love to use it to its fullest capacity, I won’t. I will probably allow someone else to purchase it from me who will use it. They’ll save a significant amount of money and I’ll save a significant amount of bookshelf space. I have a feeling I’ll find many more things I’ve purchased that I now realize I will never use no matter how much I like the item.
Have you sat down and made a list of every item you WANT to own and when you would plan to use it? This is a more fun proposition than the last and yet it is still a bit discouraging. There are so many things I’ve always wanted to use in our homeschool but I know that without a plan as to when/where/how they’re used… and a plan I can actually stick to, what is the point in buying most of it. I admit having things without a plan WILL get used. Children are nortorious for picking up this book or that and reading anything so having something is kind of necessary!
Have you sat down and made a list of every item that doesn’t ‘have a home’ and decided where you should keep it? This is another very unpleasant task. Can you imagine the pages of colums of items that you’d have to record if you walked through the house every day for a week and recorded the items that were not in their home? Some people are natural organizers and never have anything out of place. Some of us don’t operate as neatly as others and if the home isn’t logical, it isn’t used.
My mother is one of those highly consistent people who could decide to keep her knitting bag 50 feet from the back door, in a shed, on the top shelf, to the left, behind the untouched paint cans. She would go out every morning, get it, knit for a while, put it back, go back out later, get it, put it back, and even at midnight on a cold winter night, she’d trudge out there and put it ‘away’ because that is where it goes! Me, I’d never put it away. If I did, it’d be ages before I took it out.
So, I need to do it. There are some things I do NOT consistently put away. They need homes. There are other things that I don’t like WHERE they are. They need new homes. I have storage that is unused. I need to find things that are stored elsewhere that could go into these lesser used places.
Have you sat down and made a list of EVERY item that you need to properly store, care for, and utilize your possessions? One thing that drives me batty is the total mess created by all the miscellaneous junk necessary for the kids’ paper routes. There are large paper bags, and small ones. Rubber bands, gloves, scarves, plastic rain bags, you name it, they have it. And it’s a mess every night all over the living room (our dining) table. So, I need some place to store this mess. There are other areas. Projects need a place to be stored as I plan them and work on them.
Have you sat down and written up your dream life? I’ve written down goals, but not dreams. I need to do this. How often do we assume our dreams are unrealistic or impossible when, in fact, they are within our grasp if we know how to seek them!
Have you sat down and compared your dream life to those other lists and made decisions on how to make it happen? Well, obviously I haven’t. However, I intend to. Actually, these last two questions maybe should be the first two. If you acknowledge the dream, plan for it to become reality, then you will be able to assess what items you need, have, want, and how to properly store and use them.
I’m excited. I see a new page in our lives. Aren’t those new pages thrilling!
We sang this hymn in church today… as I sang it, I realized it is entirely appropriate for wives to sing about their husbands just as it is for the church to sing about Christ. (I know, novel idea isn’t it?)
“I do Not Come Because My Soul”
by Frank B. St. John
1. I do not come because my soul
Is free from sin and pure and whole
And worthy of Thy grace;
I do not speak to Thee because
I’ve never justly kept Thy laws
And dare to meet Thy face.
*
2. I know that sin and guilt combine
To reign o’er every thought of mine
And torn from good to ill;
I know that, when I try to be
Upright and just and true to Thee,
I am a sinner still.
*
3. I know that often when I strive
To keep a spark of love alive
For Thee, the powers within
Leap up in unsubmissive might
And oft benumb my sense of right
And pull me back to sin.
*
4. I know that, though in doing good
I spend my life, I never could
Atone for all I’ve done;
But though my sins are black as night,
I dare to come before Thy sight
Because I trust Thy Son.
*
5. In Him alone my trust I place,
Come boldly to Thy Throne of grace,
And there commune with Thee.
Salvation sure, O Lord, is mine,
And, all unworthy, I am Thine,
For Jesus died for me.
Watch what happens when a few words are changed to be a song sung by a loving wife to her husband.
“I do Not Serve Because My Heart”
1. I do not serve because my heart
Has never felt a painful dart
That flew from your own hand;
I don’t appeal to you because
I’ve ever justly kept His laws
And on my own merit stand.
*
2. I know that sin and guilt combine
To reign o’er every thought of mine
And thus dishonor you;
I know that, when I try to be
True and loving constantly,
I fail at all I do .
*
3. I know that often when I strive
To keep a spark of love alive
For you, my self within
Leaps up in unsubmissive might
And oft benumb my sense of right
And pull me back to sin.
*
4. I know that, though in doing good
I spend my life, I never could
Thank you for all you have done;
But though my flesh screams for my rights,
I honor you as belov’d knight
For you’re my only ’one’.
*
5. In Him alone my trust I place,
While we both run life’s daring race,
To claim the prize together.
Joint heirs He promised we will be,
Though faults in both of us we see,
Through Him they’re gone forever.
My whole attitude about serving, honoring, respecting, and loving my husband is improved when I realize how not just my actions but my attitudes need such improvement. If I am to serve and love my husband ‘as unto the Lord’ then my actions should show it.
A question for myself. If my love and service for my husband was a barometer for my love of the Lord, what would it say about me?
I’m feeling a little proud of my title. It has several meanings as you’ll see. Just an aside there… I was just so tickled that it turned out like that so I had to say something. I know, pathetic. You can take it I’m sure.
Math. It conjures up mental images of triumph or despair. Few people are ambivalent about math. They remember struggle over percentages, fractions, percentages, long division, percentages, integers, percentages, polygons, percentages… I don’t suppose anyone can guess where I had the most trouble in math?
Like many homeschoolers, I started with Modern Curriculum Press. I was happy with the program until we hit book D. Talk about a pathetic waste of intellectual time! I quickly skipped that book and moved onto Saxon 54. Ahh… finally, the curriculum I’ve been waiting for! I confess, the girls had no trouble with the first book. (Ok, Nolan didn’t either) The second book was so easy for them that they tested out of it and went to 76. They plodded through that and moved into 87. (We chose it over Algebra 1/2 on the advice of a math teacher.) Then they hit Algebra. My math whizzes stalled, sputtered, and stopped. Dive CD’s helped but they didn’t solve the problem. Suddenly children who had loved math and found it easy struggled. I considered it par for the algebraic course and just pushed them along. It was a little disheartening. I had hoped for them to get through Algebra 2 before graduation… preferrably farther. They were fighting to understand Algebra 1. Challice never did understand it and simply moved onto Consumer Math without truly understanding what she’d tried to learn.
One day I stepped out my front door, opened the mailbox, and pulled out a new catalog from Timberdoodle. I hurried to see if there were new Henty books, checked out the science videos, looked for games, and as I flipped to see what book they were sending out this time, my eyes were arrested by new math books. I almost turned the page. I really didn’t want to ‘go there’ Instead, I read the description thoroughly. In some areas, I completely disagree with the owners of Timberdoodle. However, as a general rule, I like their ideas and stick to them. (Pathway readers are definitely a line of demarcation. Those things are an insult to my children’s brains!)
After reading their lengthy description of the math books, I typed in “Teaching Textbooks” in my nifty little Google toolbar. I found the website and viewed demonstrations. To my chagrin, I was impressed. I didn’t want to be. I LIKED (and still do!) Saxon. It is an excellent program that has proven results. The DIVE cds are excellent tools to make the job of teaching the math easier.
I admit, I was tempted almost immediately. Part of my girls’ problem with Algebra was mental. They’d determined that it was impossible to learn. (And two of them were math whizzes!) If I bought a new curriculum with lots of CDs then perhaps they could simply be convinced that this curriculum would be explained in such a way as they could understand! It was easy to sell my oldest student on the idea.
I swallowed my pride, my plan, and the choke in my throat at the price and bought the books. Excitement reigned the day they arrived. Everyone wanted to see how they worked. Immediately my third student asked if I could get the books for her level. I cringed and said yes. I bought them the following weekend.
For several months now my math haters have done two or more lessons a day. They love math again. Everyone considers this curriculum to be the ultimate in mathmatical excellence. I have a confession though…
It still bothered me that I liked the program so much better than Saxon. Don’t get me wrong, I still think Saxon is a PROVEN and excellent program. It bothered me that we ‘quit’ something that I highly regard. It bothered me that I took the ‘easy way out’. Whatever happened to sticking to something and working through the difficult spots? Don’t we learn character from that? Isn’t that a healthy and necessary part of maturing? I even found myself apologizing to people for abandoning the ‘tried and true’.
You know what? I’m not going to feel guilty anymore. People I highly respect who have done an excellent job in educating their children have used other curriculum that I didn’t feel obligated to use. Some people absolutely love Shurley Grammar. I never felt the need to use it. Some people do unit studies. I’ve never felt guilty for not doing it myself. I think the reason I was so bothered by this decision was because I don’t have a problem with Saxon. I find it logical, well laid out, and the ‘lecture part of the book well written. I would have loved to use Saxon as a student. There was just one problem.
My children weren’t doing well with it despite it’s excellent track record.
The guilt remained for several months. After all, pride gets in the way. I mean, if I hated the program now I could easily pick apart its faults and not worry about it. I don’t. I still like it. I don’t know why I struggled for so long except to say that it’s hard to admit that something didn’t work for you. One has to wonder why. I know why. I didn’t TEACH the program. I like a self-taught curriculum. I’m not a natural born teacher. I don’t like teaching. I want the curriculum to do the teaching and I do the clarifying if there are any questions. I’m good at questions. I’m not so good at introducing the concepts.
So, what finally encouraged me to give up the guilt? It’s so simple it’s almost embarrassing. In any other area of their life or mine, if there was a way to do the job easier, more thoroughly, and with great success, I would have done it. If we needed a better frying pan to make omelets or a computer program to make lesson plans, or a better sewing machine or serger, I’d buy it in a heartbeat. If I needed a specific pattern, pair of scissors, or kind of fabric, I’d not think twice about buying it today. I like for Kevin to have what he needs to do home chores. If he needs a new saw, a specific drill, or even need to pay someone to do it for him, I’m all for it!
Why wouldn’t I do that for my children? Why should they be forced to hand dig every shovel full of a swimming pool when they can use a back hoe, dig half of it out, and hand shovel where the back hoe doesn’t do the job?
I learned my lesson. It was a hard one. I’m still smarting from the stab to my pride but two things are clear.
1. I can survive wounds to my pride and
2. I’ve found a math program that can truly compete with Saxon and, in our opinion, win!
Just don’t tell me there is a better science than Apologia. I really don’t want to know that. 
Someone on Hearth Keepers asked why TT over Saxon. This was my response
We’ve used both. Both have integrated review. Both have the CD’s. Both have a number to call for help. Both are good programs.
I’ll probably never go back to Saxon because…
1. TT CDs cover EVERY problem, EVERY practice, have a LECTURE on every move in the book and the solutions CD does the same thing. If you get it wrong, it shows you step by step so you can find where you went wrong.
2. TT’s CDs are much better quality. The program was written WITH the CDs rather than them being added later so it flows better.
3. TT’s were written FOR independent study so they have much better and more thorough explanations of what to do, how to do it, and why it works.
4. My kids actually look forward to doing math again. They didn’t hate Saxon, but they did hate MATH.
